Rockford, Il   10:08

I went to bed early.  I woke up a little late.  I slept, but I did not rest.  It doesn't make sense.  Even though I physically slept, my brain has not settled for the past 48 hours and I remain physically, mentally, and emotional unrested.

Days keep moving.  Things keep doing.  The sun still shines.  

I'm in the doldrums I suppose.

I keep paddling, but the farther I go the bigger the ocean gets.  I'm stuck in this little dingy and there's no land in view.  I'm getting dehydrated.  Time keeps rolling by.

"Why are you cast down, O my soul,

and why are you in turmoil within me?

Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,

my salvation and my God."

Psalm 42:5-6

3 Things

• An interesting call to have fun. . .

• This article was written to single guys, but I found it refreshing as well.  Having 3 brothers and many psuedobros I feel personally responsible at times to train them how to be men by expecting great things from them.

• This article is perfect to summer!  Your neighbors are out fixing their lawns and walking their dogs, but do you actually know who they are?  This is something I'm going to work on this summer.

Thrifting Haul

I'm not much of a shopper.  That is, I don't like spending money on frivolous things because I have nothing better to do.  I DO, however, enjoy spending the time and money it takes to find treasures at a thrift store.

Today I invested an hour (yes, a whole hour or more) and $33 and came home with. . . 22 clothing items and 8 beanie babies.  22?!  Yup.  1.23 day at Goodwill. :-)

Edit: I also got rid of 20 items I already had.  Less is more folks! :-)

So, I don't think I've ever written a "haul" post, but if you want pictures of everything I got, keep reading.

Bonding with Brothers

Hud gave me an odd compliment the other day.  At least I think it was a compliment.  You tell me.

"Jo!  Why are your hands always so soft?!"  The end.  Haha.  Gotta love it.

Anyone else live with one or more brothers?  They're an interesting thing.  Sometimes you can't live with them, but you certainly couldn't live without them.

See this brother?  This is Hudson.  People used to think we were twins.  I'm starting to understand that, looking at these pictures from last night. :-)  He's rather obtuse, but he teaches me grace.

We were best-buds through middle school.  We played house and make-believe everyday.  One Christmas we were jointly given the Bitty Twins.  Don't know what the Bitty Twins are?  They're baby dolls made by American Girl.  Yes, my dear brother here got a baby doll for Christmas and was just as psyched as I was!  The moment I grew out of dolls we started to drift apart.  I guess when you're used to playing with each other for 12 hours every day stopping is a drastic change.  I became obsessed with books and schoolwork and we didn't talk.  We weren't giving each other the silent treatment, we are just both introverts and don't especially like to be the first to start talking.

Now we've both grown so much.  We're SO different now.  We're adults.  We're broken humans. It's plain hard to connect sometimes.  But I've been thinking.  No matter how hard it is to put yourself out there, isn't it worth it?

Isn't HE worth the effort?  How far are you willing to go for your family?  Will you fight for them?  

Each of my brothers has different love languages, and I'm trying to learn to speak them.  Because honestly, saying "I love you" in house doesn't go very far.  We're not a touchy-feely family physically and we don't really say touchy-feely stuff either.  Yeah, I guess we're sorta dysfunctional like that.  It is uncomfortable to show affection, but I'm learning that this really isn't a negotiable point.  I need to learn to show affection.

Maybe this sounds totally weird to you.  "What, she doesn't know how to show affection?!" But yeah, it's true.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm super emotional (which may be part of the problem.  I hide it by not showing anything) and I feel things almost too deeply.  How to show this in the right way though?  That's something I'm working through, and I'm starting with Hudson.

So we're going to start painting together.

Just missing Jamie!

Dad: "I love this quote by Cicero, 'If you have a garden and a library you have everything you need.'"

Emmy: "But if you don't have a kitchen. . ."

Obviously we girls have our priorities straight. :-)

Oh, and I love my family.  As broken as we are (which you don't really get to see over the inter webs...), we are beautiful and we are redeemed.