September 11, 2017

sept ten

50mm     ISO4000     f/2.8     1/160     11:49PM     9/10/17
I don't know what it is.  But being away from home for any length of time or being busy enough that only sleeping hours are spent at home creates a vacuum in my heart.  I think it was the same for my Mom.  I grew up with her saying she had to "commune with the house," or "have a home day," or "center herself" (i.e. clean the house top to bottom).

Well, I think there's something like that in my soul too.  If I'm grumpy there could be a couple causes that make no sense except that they're part of a repeating pattern.  Is Jo grumpy?  If no: Wow! That's wonderful.  And maybe she really is. . .she's just hiding it.  If yes: has she eaten?  Has she washed her hair recently?  Has she done something creative/artsy recently?  Has she journaled?  Is her space neat?  Has she sat alone or virtually alone with no requirement to speak or react recently?

These are "centering" things.  My INJF heart craves them sometimes and if I haven't had them it makes me want to be a fly on the wall, not an active participant in life.  If forced to participate (or if I force myself to participate. . .) I shall probably be grumpy.

Today the house was calling and the answer was to clean all the dishes.  My space wasn't neat and it was making my heart not so neat either.  Next will be lying in bed and staring at the ceiling in utter silence till I start to hear God.  And maybe tomorrow I'll journal.  The week is starting to look up. ;)

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