sept fifteen

50mm     ISO320     f/2.5     1/400     5:41PM(Eastern)     9/15/17

Guys.  I haven't seen her smile like that before.  That's Brittany overflowing with joy because she gets to marry her gentle giant tomorrow. <3 nbsp="" p="">
(North Carolina sunsets are magic)

sept fourteen

50mm     ISO1250     f/1.8     1/160     8:09PM(Eastern)     9/14/17

Tequilah survived the 15 hour drive to North Carolina and loves the AirBnB.

Peace out.

sept thirteen

50mm     ISO320     f/2.2    1/1250      6:31PM     9/13/17

Caught some fairies in the evening glow.

Actually they're the really bad kind of fairies called mosquitos, but they sure are pretty that far away instead of all over my neck. :)

sept twelve

50mm    ISO500     f/2.8     1/200     9:02PM     9/12/17

This is my sweet Dad.  His whole summer has been working to support our family during the day and working in the shop at night to make this bed for he and my Mom.  He's designed the whole thing and is just finishing the last drawer tonight.  Sometimes engineers get laughed at for not being "creative," but I think it's just a different kind of creativity.  He is precise, yes, but he's also added so many little details and flourishes.  He routinely says, "happiness is a perfectly cut dovetail."  I so admire his creativity and skill in the workshop and love all the hours I've spent learning from him there.  I'm so proud of my Papa!

sept eleven

50mm     ISO1250     f/2.8     1/160      6:42PM     9/11/17

She's 12 going on 13 and doing her own research for a volcano project.  And was in pajamas basically all day.  Yup, she's homeschooled alright. :)  It's kinda crazy to think that she still has 10 years before she's my age, but she's only got 2 inches to go my height.  She's growing up fast and has begun baking recently (thank you British Baking Show for influencing out waistlines).

Because I haven't been shooting much we don't have any pictures from this era of life except her myriad selfies on all of out phones.  That makes me sad.  She's growing up before my very eyes, and I want that to be in front of my lens at least a little.

#shootforfamily

sept ten

50mm     ISO4000     f/2.8     1/160     11:49PM     9/10/17

I don't know what it is.  But being away from home for any length of time or being busy enough that only sleeping hours are spent at home creates a vacuum in my heart.  I think it was the same for my Mom.  I grew up with her saying she had to "commune with the house," or "have a home day," or "center herself" (i.e. clean the house top to bottom).

Well, I think there's something like that in my soul too.  If I'm grumpy there could be a couple causes that make no sense except that they're part of a repeating pattern.  Is Jo grumpy?  If no: Wow! That's wonderful.  And maybe she really is. . .she's just hiding it.  If yes: has she eaten?  Has she washed her hair recently?  Has she done something creative/artsy recently?  Has she journaled?  Is her space neat?  Has she sat alone or virtually alone with no requirement to speak or react recently?

These are "centering" things.  My INJF heart craves them sometimes and if I haven't had them it makes me want to be a fly on the wall, not an active participant in life.  If forced to participate (or if I force myself to participate. . .) I shall probably be grumpy.

Today the house was calling and the answer was to clean all the dishes.  My space wasn't neat and it was making my heart not so neat either.  Next will be lying in bed and staring at the ceiling in utter silence till I start to hear God.  And maybe tomorrow I'll journal.  The week is starting to look up. ;)

sept nine

50mm     ISO100     f/2.8     1/400     4:17     9/9/17

Congratulations, Seth and Grace Rice!!

#secondshoot

sept eight

50mm     ISO1600     f/2.5     1/80     9:37PM     9/8/17

Calm before the storm.  I think I should add it to my second shooter resume that I bring comics to read after the rehearsal and make the first shooter laugh. :)  Awkward Yeti/Heart & Brain is the bestest.

Tonight was yet another example of "I'm working, I can't take personal photos," until I remembered this was a thing and finally got it out.  Also, photographers aren't in near enough photos.  I love to catch them behind the scenes like they do so well for everyone else. :)

#shootphotographers

sept seven

50mm     ISO1000     f/1.6     1/50     6:34PM     9/7/17

Good old fashioned fun.  And good old fashioned lessons in how to speak nicely to one another.  How to share.  How to be patient.  How to work together.

This particular lego project started as mine, but when someone asked if they could "help" the answer was always yes.  Soon we're all squeezed into one small space trying to recreate a garden and fountain out of legos.  And we're expressing our emotions rather loudly...apparently.  I love how all the bright colors all over the place are like the emotions that children wear on their sleeves.  But somehow we're learning to sort them out and be choosing to be content with our blues or looking at someone else's perspective before being jealous and taking what they have.  We're bringing every thought and emotion captive to Christ and living well -- as he designed us to.

#shootthemessy  #letthembekids

sept six

50mm     ISO800     f/2.8     1/160     8:38PM     9/6/17

Why the picture of the dirty kitchen?  Because I totally forgot about the challenge and was feeling the need for something sweet.  I've been dizzy and sick all day and some shortbread and cinnamon whipped cream was just what the "doctor" ordered.  But honestly, the more I look at this picture the more I like it.  The is my apartment, aka, "The 6."  This is real life.  This is a part of MY life I don't want to forget.  Late nights, random baking adventures, piles of dishes sometimes, and so much heat put off by this old gas stove that the flat mate and I have decided we won't need any heat this winter. :)

#shootforyou

sept five

50mm     ISO1600     f2.8     1/400     5:09PM     9/5/17

Didn't want to shoot anything today.  I was hot and cold and happy and sad and motivated and worn.  But I was 30 minutes early for Taekwondo, so I practiced using my self timer (10 seconds, one shot) and my high turning kick.  Took about 30 shots, but only 3 were timed perfectly enough to catch my foot close or at it's peak.   Keep shooting I guess.  Don't give up.  And don't be afraid to be your own subject?  I struggle with that in particular.  I want to be in photos, but I don't like wanting it...  It's weird.

#justkeepshooting  #bethesubject

sept four

50mm     ISO4000     f2.0     1/80     9:04PM     9/4/17

 In which my boyfriend helps my little sister cream me in Jaipur.  And Timothy is normal.  :)

I had some stressful moments today.  I had some sad moments today.  I also had some amazingly right moments today.  It's important to acknowledge and grow from struggles, but (since I struggle with being a pessimist) I must choose to curate my memories toward those where the glass is half-full, not those where it's half-empty.  When you shoot, you are telling the story and creating the memory.  Shoot even the sad things in a way that brings hope and beauty

#curate

sept three

50mm     ISO250     f2.0     1/1250    5:58PM     9/3/17

 Sundays are rough for taking pictures.  They are "be" days, not "document" days.

So I went out and took some obligatory pictures.

Of flowers.

They were cool, but they didn't hit home (actually they were kinda lame).  They didn't tell a story.

So I brought the camera out at Bible Study (where Kevin and Celia were in town for just the day).

We took a group photo, and then it clicked that all three of my original pseudo-bros were now married (as of 2 months ago) and were all there with their wives!  So we took a group photo.

I was worried about being the annoying girl with the camera.

I didn't want to push things.  But I shot anyway.  Because, you know, the challenge, and, like, failing 3 days in, and wanting to push myself...   So I directed them and then relied on the group of other Bible study fan behind me to provide comic relief.  And I just shot everything.

Now we have amazing snapshots of Danny's sense of humor, and Christen's baby belly, and Celia's laugh, and Kevin's beard. . .This bit of time will never come back again.  It's a different season from when the guys were all around our table eating one-pot and talking theology, and another different season is on the way.  But this here and now is the gift of the present.

It totally beat the flower shot.

Uncomfortable?  #shootanyway  #shootthestory

Our actual shot

sept two

Tilt Shift Lens     ISO100     f/0.0     1/320   5:17PM    9/2/17

So we're walking towards the apple orchard and I let these two newlywed friends of mine walk on ahead.  I was messing with my new tilt-shift and missed the shot when they kissed, so I yelled at them to do it again.  Was it posed?  Yes.  Was it real?  Yes.  When telling a true story it is important to not make people do something they wouldn't normally do -- that's fake.  But it's ok to recreate a moment (when you've got the focus on your new lens almost right. :) )  This has the vibe of that NYC moment when WWII ended:  "The Kiss."  And I like it.  I like it a lot.
#recreatethemoment

sept one

50mm     ISO100     f/2.0     1/2000     4:20PM     9/1/17

[This shot was born in the in-between moments.  None of the pictures I posed really turned out.  Kind of a sucker punch to the ego, but that's why you roll with the punches.  #shootinbetween ]

Back to School Party

Because days like these are worth remembering:

Part 1: Swings, Frisbee, and Tie-dying

Taekwondo - 6 Side Effects

I'm on the far left, and Emily is the blue belt in the center.

Well, we've hit the 8 month mark!  I just had another double belt test last night and my Dad got some pictures, so I thought I'd share them and some side effects of my TKD journey so far.  See, when you get to the higher colored belts you have to decide whether you're willing to work hard, or going to coast at your current level till you lose the excitement.  I was fit and motivated enough to get to the higher belts (blue and up at our Dojang) without much effort.  Now that I'm here though, it takes much physical exertion and exercise outside of class to improve.  When you reach this stage, TKD becomes a big part of your life.  So. . .

1.  You polarize people.  Inadvertently, you spend your spare moments and thoughts on some area of TKD.  You want to talk about it all the time.  Some people you will learn to keep a tight lip around so as not to drive them nuts.  Others?  Well, they happen to be your best friends and you convince them that martial arts is the best form of exercise out there or teach them how to break boards.  Some of them start Taekwondo for themselves. :)

Helping kids tie belts is actually quite rewarding.

 2. Faster reflexes (a.k.a. ninja skills, in the vernacular).  Usually it is increased ability to swat and kill flies with your bare hands.  Other times, it looks like realizing that kid number 2 is knocking over a heavy coat tree and catching it before it lands on kid number 3, all while not dropping the diaper bag, purse, or kid number 4.  SO many tears avoided this evening. #babysittinglikeaboss

Hand combinations

 3.  Flexibility/stretching.  All the time, everywhere.  Even though I used to shake my head at those girls who always walk around in workout clothes or yoga pants, I've started to embrace the culture.  I'm flexible enough now that "regular" pants don't allow me to stretch out my hips as far as they need. Wearing stretchy pants means I can get deep stretches without having to change my clothes.  It's like keeping your instrument out of it's case.  Half the battle of practicing music is getting the instrument and music out.  If it's out, you will play.  If you are wearing the appropriate pants, you will stretch.

This certainly isn't my best front kick, but it's the only one in a picture. :)

Taegeuk Yuk Jang

 4. Pain = Conditioning.  You know that whole "weakness leaving the body" saying?  I've never understood it, but pain has definitely taken on a new sort of sensation.  Scrape my hand?  Conditioning.  Stub my toe? Conditioning.  Bonk my head?  Conditioning.  Crazy out of breath from Ultimate Frisbee?  Conditioning.  At least I don't complain much anymore. ;)

That hair flip, though.

Board breaking is addicting.

5. Laundry.  I already mentioned the yoga pants, but it goes farther.  Sports bras, Doboks, tank tops -- all manner of athletic wear makes up probably 50% of my load every week (and most of it is air-dry only!).  Dobok pants (let's be honest, the whole uniform) are not flattering, but my new uniform is a little better, and the more you use it,(sweat in it and wash it -- *cough*)  the more comfortable it gets.

Must be laundry day! Easily 50% of my laundry these days is workout clothes. The only downside? Almost all of it (including my doboks) should be air-dried. Oh, and check out my new higher belt Dobok! #soexcited #kicklikeagirl #taekwondo #laundry

A photo posted by Joanna Webber (@josnazz) on Sep 4, 2015 at 11:31am PDT

6.  Your definition of "Feeling good" changes.  I still love a book, a blanket, cider, and a fireplace, but it's not what I run to when I'm feeling down anymore.  Exhausted, mentally spent, in pain because of aunt flow? Go to the gym.  Things worth having take effort and hard work.  I realized after a particularly lousy personal performance last week that I was going to have to focus and work hard to grow.  I realized simultaneously that my spiritual life was in the same state as my body.  I was trying to coast by on past achievements and relax.  I felt like I had "arrived" (at who knows what), but in reality I had a bad attitude.  My walk with Jesus Christ is only as good as I want it to be, and it takes effort on my part to stay engaged.  Hard work and struggle leads to growth, and that makes it the best feeling in the world.

Sometimes sweaty and sore is the best feeling in the world. #taekwondo #kicklikeagirl

A photo posted by Joanna Webber (@josnazz) on Sep 22, 2015 at 5:42pm PDT

Daddy Graduates // A Family Day

We got in the car late.  Again.  But we always do, you see, so we always leave 30 minutes early on longish trips.  Showers, bagels, hair-dos, and pumping tires were on the agenda before heading into Chicago this time.  We were going to Dad's graduation ceremony from Moody Theological Seminary.

What normally is a 1.5 hour ride is over 2 hours on Saturday mornings such as this.  Nathanael pulled up a book on following God on his computer, Hudson started his book of poems -- an especially profound one he shared with me -- I studied the Korean alphabet (Hangul), and before I fell asleep I heard discussion of hermeneutics drifting back from Mom and Dad in the front seat.  Emily contented herself with watching planes fly overhead.  I love our family.  The more we grow up and start to leave, to more I want us to stay together.

We're all nerds in our own way, and we have Mom and Dad's value of learning to thank for that.  Dad has spent the last 7 years not only working full time, being a great dad, keeping up with house chores, and being involved in our church and family ministries, but also pursuing his Master's degree.  This endeavor has been hard at times, but it is so worth it.  Walking with the class and getting a hood is cool, but the knowledge and experience he has gained and been able to pass on to us throughout these years is priceless.  I'm so proud of his dedication and good example to us.

Check out those three cords!  Summa cum laude, baby!  (3.9-4.0 GPA, for those who don't know)

Along with a diploma, graduates receive a special alumni Bible and a towel to represent them going out into the world like Christ -- not to be served, but to serve.

Hudson, Nathanael, Emily, Mom, Dad, Moi

Sidenote: I recognized one of the graduates and their families talking in Korean (thank you KDramas and Taekwondo!) and offered to take their pictures for them.  I was able to use just about all the words I know so far (Hana, duo, set!) and they were duly impressed. :)  

Also, Hudson is back from College for the summer and this is what he likes to do with my camera.

 And 'cause he's not camera shy, we use downtime in the parking garage to take portraits.  Fitted suits are the bomb.com

Nathanael - Not as big of a fan of the limelight, but just as handsome. 

Emm looks like she just saw a dinosaur.

DONE!!

We didn't get a picture on Mother's day, so this was our "girls" picture to make up for it.

   We rounded out the evening with dinner at Gino's East for some real Chi-style deep dish pizza.  'Twas sublime.  Just wishing big bro Jamie could have joined us.  It really was a wonderful day.

Of Selfies

This is a journey.  Stick with me to the end.  Please.

I remember the days when pictures were scarce.  When every picture meant something - it held a memory and was valued either as art or as a little bit of the past that would never come back again.  I got into photography to preserve the moment.  To be places, and being there at just the right time to catch a moment and save it, to cherish it.  It was about seeing things differently, or maybe just more clearly, and showing that.  There was substance and purpose.

Then the selfie was born.  At first it was fun to see my friends as they were —  right in the moment!  Getting on the roller coaster, seeing an old friend again, discovering the best coffee they had ever tasted.  They were being raw and open in a way I hadn’t seen before, and couldn’t have unless I was right there with them.  They overflowed with genuine.  There was positive emotion all over the place; excitement, happiness, joy, and surprise.  It made sense.  I’m excited and happy about this, of course I want to share it with the world! Think about it. You finally graduate!  You get engaged!  Your baby walks for the first time!  These are things you want everyone to know, almost regardless of personal relation.

But then the tide slowly started to turn.  Here’s my new haircut! My new lip-stick, my cat, my food, my sad face, my trip to the dentist, my trip to the mall, my roommate, my new shirt, friend 1, friend 2, friend 3, my dinner, my ride, my grade, my shoes, my provocative face, my pajamas, my tongue, my bathing suit. . . There was. . .so much.  I got exasperated for a number of reasons.  

1. If I didn’t take a picture of it, it didn’t happen. I started to feel this pressure to talk about and show everything on Facebook.  Having lunch with a friend? Post to Fb! Getting a haircut? Post to Fb!  Mowing the lawn? Post to Fb. Saw a cloud that looked like an alligator? Post of Fb.  Now.  Otherwise it didn’t happen and it doesn’t matter.  Instead of taking pictures because they meant something to me and I genuinely wanted to remember how this moment felt, I had to bestow meaning on an event by taking a picture and - oh wait!  One more time, that wasn’t quite perfect … hmm. move here, put that there and . . .

2.The picture isn’t real anymore. No problem with posing people - I’m a portrait photographer.  I’ve posed the daylights out of people.  Trust me.  But a medium (selfie) that used to be the epitome of genuine and spontaneous became a search for “perfection.”  Like, that one “real” picture of a messy bun?  Yeah, I spent 20 minutes fighting with my hair and then took 30 pictures with different expressions and angles till I achieved the perfect effortless look that is so popular these days.  Talk about lying through your teeth, er, hair that is. . . phone?

3. All purpose yuck category.  Self-obsession, masks, sexting, you name it.  Granted, it’s a fallen world and every medium has been corrupted in some way.  The selfie provided an acceptable medium for being utterly self obsessed.  It also provided a channel to show everyone a false version of yourself.  I won’t get into despicable things our sex-obsessed culture has skewed the selfie to be.

My exasperation grew to disgust.  “What is wrong with my generation?!” etc.  When camera came out my insides tightened and I felt like glaring at it instead of smiling.  When people who don’t speak more than 10 words to me every time I see them run up with a camera and want a selfie with me?  Yeah, I lost even more respect for them.  I was done. 

I hated the culture of fake and unconsciously started to hate the pictures and despise the people (p.s. not the right response!).  I missed sweet, sincere, and deep and I guess I thought selfies had become the opposite of that.  Slowly that attitude spread to pictures in general and I stopped taking pictures. I’m a photographer, remember?  Photos are my medium.  They were my love, and I couldn’t even pick up my camera without dread.  I would not — could not — perpetuate this fake.  I lost the vision.  I went from photographing an event because it had meaning to seriously doubting the meaning of the event if I saw someone taking pictures.

But my friends, I was wrong!  I was right, too, but I was in a ditch.  

Last weekend I dropped everything to spend the day with a friend.  I friend who’s moving on (both literally and figuratively).  There were 4 of us.  And it was special.  Nothing super exciting happened.  In fact, it was a pretty run-of-the-mill shopping trip.  But it meant something.  The conversations we had, he relationships we built, the fears we got over, the smiles and looks without words.  I’ll remember that silly trip to IKEA and I’ll treasure it.  I can do that, because someone took selfies and pictures.  Not a million, but enough.  Pictures by Natalie. :-)

And it was then that I looked around and saw dirt around me.  I realized the ditch I had been in and took a slow step towards the road.  I was wrong guys.  And I’m sorry for being a grump.  I’m trying to come back to the middle.

I got this saying from my Dad that I’m trying to live by.  It’s simply, “Keep in the middle of the road.”  We, ok, me.  I’m talking about me. I tend to polarize.  I land in the ditches on either side of the road.  I tend to think in Black and White, even when the reality is a beautiful grey.  So my life is this constant search for the truth.  A pendulum swing between the subtle lies of the world and the even subtler lies of the church.  And by church I mean religion.  But that is a topic for another time.  Today we’re talking about selfies.

I can’t say I’ve landed right in the middles and “arrived” at balance, but I’m getting there. I’m rediscovering the beauty of a moment.  The concrete memory in a picture and the joy it can bring.  There can be sincere and there can be deep and there can be precious in a selfie. 

 And there is freedom in this truth.